The daily life of a foster child can look very different from that of a biological child due to the unique circumstances foster children often face. While each child’s experience is personal and may vary, there are several key differences that typically shape a foster child’s day compared to that of a biological child. Here’s a comparison of a “day in the life” of a foster child versus a birth child:

Morning Routine

Foster Child:
A foster child’s morning routine may be influenced by the instability they’ve experienced in their life. Depending on their situation, they may be waking up in a new home, which could cause feelings of anxiety or fear. They may have come from a home where there was no consistent routine or they may have experienced disruptions like frequent moves or parental separation. It can take time for foster children to feel safe and secure in a morning routine, and they may need extra time and reassurance to get ready for school. They might also have therapy or appointments to attend, which could add extra stress or complexity to their morning.

Birth Child:
For a biological child, mornings are generally more predictable, especially if they’ve grown up in a stable environment. They may have a set routine for getting up, having breakfast, and preparing for school. There’s likely less emotional weight tied to getting ready for the day, and there’s a sense of continuity and security. Biological children are also more likely to have consistent parental involvement in their morning routine, with less likelihood of unexpected disruptions.

School and Social Life

Foster Child:
School can be a mixed experience for a foster child. They may struggle with feeling different or isolated due to their past experiences. Foster children may have difficulty concentrating in class or may be dealing with emotional or behavioural challenges that interfere with their learning. They might not have the same level of support at school as a biological child, especially if they’re in a new school or have trouble forming connections with peers due to trust issues. In some cases, foster children may also face challenges related to frequent school changes or inconsistent school attendance.

Additionally, foster children may have appointments or therapy sessions that impact their school schedule. The emotional strain of their situation can sometimes make socialising difficult, as they may have built walls around themselves to protect from further hurt.

Birth Child:
A birth child may have a more stable social experience. They generally attend the same school with a consistent group of friends and are more likely to feel secure in their relationships with peers. Birth children tend to have fewer interruptions to their school day, as they typically do not have to attend multiple appointments or therapy sessions. Their emotional well-being, while still shaped by their family dynamics, is generally more stable due to their history of continuity.

After-School and Family Time

Foster Child:
After school, a foster child’s experiences can vary depending on their placement, but they may feel a lack of consistency or permanence. If the child is in the process of reunification with their biological family, there might be visits with their birth parents, which can create emotional tension or confusion. If the child has been in foster care for a long time, they might struggle with feelings of abandonment or loss.

Additionally, foster children may have a range of therapy sessions, counsellor visits, or other professional appointments after school, which can make their days more packed and less relaxing. Foster parents also have the challenge of creating a stable home environment where the child feels safe, but this may require extra effort, especially if the child has attachment issues.

Birth Child:
A biological child’s after-school routine may include activities like playing with friends, doing homework, or participating in extracurricular activities like sports or music. They may spend more time with family in a way that feels secure and routine. Birth children are also more likely to have a sense of consistency in family traditions, whether that’s eating dinner together or relaxing after school.

Emotional and Behavioural Needs

Foster Child:
Due to the trauma or difficult circumstances they have faced, foster children may have emotional or behavioural needs that require extra attention and care. This could involve dealing with feelings of abandonment, mistrust, or anxiety. A foster child might act out, withdraw, or experience emotional outbursts as a result of their past experiences. They may also have trouble forming secure attachments to their caregivers or may struggle with changes in their environment, which can make their emotional needs more intense compared to those of a biological child.

Foster parents may need to provide extra support, including therapy, communication strategies, and a more patient, structured approach to parenting. They must recognise that the child’s challenging behaviours are a sign of their emotional pain, not “naughtiness.”

Birth Child:
A birth child, while they can certainly have their own emotional and behavioural challenges, generally doesn’t experience the same level of trauma that a foster child might. Their emotional needs are often related to typical childhood experiences, like school stress, peer relationships, or normal developmental changes. Parents of biological children may still need to provide emotional guidance and discipline, but the challenges often stem from typical growing pains, rather than deep-rooted trauma.

Bedtime and Night-time

Foster Child:
Bedtime can be a difficult time for foster children. Because of past experiences, they may have trouble trusting that they are safe or that their caregivers will be there for them. Foster children often experience anxiety at night, which can lead to trouble sleeping, nightmares, or needing reassurance that they are safe. They might also have attachment issues that cause them to feel isolated or distant from their caregivers.

In some cases, if the child is dealing with the stress of being in foster care, they might even have trouble feeling settled in bed and may require extra support, like comfort items or a caregiver’s presence during bedtime routines.

Birth Child:
A biological child’s bedtime is generally more predictable and stable. While bedtime struggles do happen (whether from fear of the dark or wanting to stay up later), biological children are typically more secure in their routines and less likely to have the same level of anxiety that can accompany bedtime for foster children. They may also feel comforted by knowing their caregivers are consistently there for them.

Conclusion

While both foster children and birth children experience the typical ups and downs of childhood, the day-to-day life of a foster child is often shaped by unique and complex challenges stemming from their past experiences. Their sense of security, routines, and relationships may look different compared to a biological child due to trauma, instability, or the emotional toll of being in foster care. However, with the right support, patience, and understanding, foster children can thrive and create meaningful, stable relationships in their new homes.

Foster parents play a crucial role in helping children navigate these challenges and can make a significant difference in providing the consistency and love a foster child needs to heal.